a pair of pears.

Im so over drawing this pear. Its been a long day. I feel especially emo. And i just want to lay down. And im hungry. And people keep letting me down. I dont know why i ever put my faith in people. All earthly things will ever do is leave me feeling empty. And im over the emptyness.

stupid dog.

last night after jr high i went with emily to the house where kristin was house sitting and we watched a movie. at the end of the movie i couldn't find one of my sandals.the stupid dog ate the strap on my rainbow!

if you are heather, or if you are someone esle who hates feet im sorry for posting this picture. and corinne told me to put this picture up, so its her fault.
but at least my toes are still cute from the pedicure i got with jillian like two weeks ago!

voluntary amputation

I just cut off 15 inches of hair.

well not just, it was this afternoon, about 3:30.
initially i was shocked at how short it is.

i held myself together on the way home but as soon as i got back into the cottage i started sobbing. its just wayyyy shorter than i wanted/expected.

but after a mini counseling sesh (thanks justine and cottage girls)
and a round with the flat iron (thanks shaye)

i totally love it.

im sending my hair to panteen beautiful lengths.

its an organization that makes wigs for the american cancer society.
My hair will go to a chick who needs it way more than i did, and that's pretty awesome.

i have been talking about making the cut for a year now, but i had been holding on.
(if you are thinking about donating they only need 8 inches)

well im going to bed now, i might write more about this later (with more pictures), but it has been a traumatic day.

freshman flash back.

my room is almost clean.
while i was sorting through papers in my room i found a paper from focus.

i had to take a strenghts quest test (personality test).

INDIVIDUALIZATION

People who are especially talented in the Individualization theme are intrigued with the unique qualities of each person. They have a gift for figuring out how people who are different can work together productively.

EMPATHY

People who are especially talented in the Empathy theme can sense the feelings of other people by imagining themselves in others' lives or others' situations.

IDEATION

People who are especially talented in the Ideation theme are fascinated by ideas. They are able to find connections between seemingly disparate phenomena.

STRATEGIC

People who are especially talented in the Strategic theme create alternative ways to proceed. Faced with any given scenario, they can quickly spot the relevant patterns and issues.

INPUT

People who are especially talented in the Input theme have a craving to know more. Often they like to collect and archive all kinds of information.

What are your strengths?

SO basically this is so true about me, "Empathy can be challenging because you may become overwhelmed with all of the emotions you can pick up in a day" its true. i feel so much.

and sometimes i wish i could just take a break. like i wish i could just be numb.

cro magnum

"friendships in college are sort of like like cro magnum men:
they either evolve or they become extinct.
their success depends on how much energy you put into adapting" (greek).

i am afraid of change. i have a hard time translating friendships from one stage of life into another. i categorize people: high school friends, mission trip friends, church friends, etc.
when those situations are taken away from me its hard to retain the relationships.

have i invested my time into too many surface level friendships? should i just limit myself to a few really good friends? i have a bunch of really great people in my life. and i feel so blessed to know them. so i don't want this post to sound all emo and whiny. i don't even know what im getting at here.

i guess i just want to say that i feel like through the grace of god i have really grown a lot this summer. and i am excited to go back to school in a month. i know i screw up friendships. i know im stubborn. i know i am terrible at keeping in touch. a lot of times i think giving up is easier than working it out. as much as i want to see all sides of a situation, it is hard. i am sorry. i am not even close to perfect.

i have high expectations. i want perfect friendships. but how can that happen when you take two imperfect people and put them together?

and on the topic of evolution, i just found out one of my friends is the new grounds keeper at the giant dinosaur museum things in cabazon. and i think thats awesome. (operating from a creationist standpoint)

im back

i just got back from a six week trip down to louisisana.
i do not know how to begin to describe the past six weeks of my life.

lets just say it was a hard/amazing/unorginized/beautiful/chaoitic/southern/great/super/dynamite trip.

i loved it!

one of the hardest parts of coming back has been the feelings of loneliness. i spent a month and a half with 4 of the coolest people ever. i loved them and they drove me crazy at times. but we were never apart. seriously. so it is really weird sitting here all by myself.so the camp we worked at was 8 weeks long and we only got to be there for a week of training and the first five weeks of camp. its really hard for me to be sitting here on a couch in riverside when i know that all my girls are together at camp right now.do they miss me? do they even notice i am gone? did i impact them in an eternal way? are bible lessons still happening now that i am gone?
i know that i need to rely way less on myself and way more on the Lord.i learned so much on this trip and i have so many amazing stories. but i don't know where to begin. and i don't know if anyone even cares.

blaaah!

i might be freaking out right now.

maybe tonight my debit card was denied. and then it is possible that the online baking wasn't working. oh and then maybe i called the phone number and they said my account doesn't exist.

maybe i still have to pack.

today heather got in a car accident. she is in the hospital. she fractured three vertebrae. pray for her.

it was a weird day.
i leave in 7 hours.
i am so blessed and sometimes i forget that.

graduating is for chumps.

so i was just reading drew's blog. and honestly it made me tear up a bit. (its been an emotional morning, get off my back.)

but im really sad the semester is almost over. in addition to having lots of work to get done i don't want to say goo bye to the great people i have met.

im going to be the only one left from team ootah.
and that makes me so sad.

i know im being selfish and i should be excited about people moving forward in their lives. i think i might be slightly jealous. sometimes i feel like i should just quit school and start a greeting card company. or be a missionary. or work in advertising.

sometimes i just want to quit and work the reality show circuit for a while. i'll start out on one reality show. then ill do the reunion special. then ill be one of those people who are always on e! specials giving their opinions and funny comments on any given topic. then i will get a sponsorship and do commercials. then i will invent some great new item. travel the world promoting my product. adopting about 20 kids along the way. i would love to have my own fashion line. possibly a celebrity fragrance as well. become a judge on some new dancing show.

wow. sometimes i hope that no random lurkers are reading my blog because i know i sound crazy. but other times that idea excites me. kristin pretty much figured me out she said, "rachel you just want someone to read [an email i sent] that and say, 'oh i know that girl. she is so cool. i want to be her friend." well kristin you were spot on.
so random person i want to be your friend too.

la playa.

so im at may grandparents house in north hollywood. and im trying to work on homework. key word: trying.

basically this little ten year old girl chevelle is here and she wants to play with me. and i taught her how to make some origami things. and we played cards. now i just want to do my homework in peace. like she keeps coming over and reading everyhting and asking questions. and like i was being totally nice and talking to her but now i have my headphones in and i am listing to music so maybe she will get the hint. it doesn't seem to be working though. she is still talking to me and AHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so yesterday i went to the beach with eric, corinne, and paul (you guys need blogs!). it was a beautiful day. we played volley ball (well not really), and catch phrase (love!), took lots of pictures (well everyone else did and i didnt take a single picture), barbecued hot dogs (i like em burnt), and then had s'mores. no not some more hot dogs. s'mores.
(i took eric's pictures off facebook(i want a cool camera so i can have a rachel weinstein photography site))

chevelle is now watching sponge bob>>>>now back to the home work.
:]
woah, its weird that i am excited about doing homework.

the problem with being nocturnal in a day-turnal society.

1. i do a lot of my homework in the dark.
2. the cafeteria is not accommodating to 11pm dinner times
3. i never get to eat breakfast
4. when exciting stuff happens in the morning (ex:snow in riverside) i miss it
5. i have a hard time waking up for chapel

so today i woke up to a phone call at 10:02... chapel starts at 10 (but you can roll in as late as 10:15 for credit). so i brushed my teeth and changed out of my pjs. i decided to wear jeans, my rainbows
and this shirt


the problem: its raining outside. and im cold. and i want to shower.
:[

i start my sentencs with i because i am egocentric.

i am not going to junior high tonight.

i have to read jacob have i loved. and write a paper on it.
i have to read a bunch for film class. watch several hours of film. and write a few papers.
i have to read hurt. write a paper on that.
i have a some photoshop project to do.
i need to read a wrinkle in time and write a paper on that.
i have no homework for my aesthetics class.

i want to clean my room.
i want to wash my sheets.
i want to do laundry.
i want to make some valentines cards for people.

i have been listeing to the aquabats! and that puts me in a good mood.

i am going with cindy to do some homework at coffee depot.

why i dont hate the fact that i am still in riverside.

i feel really sick today. something is going around the school.
:[

so i was talking to my mom about being sick and a hour later my mom, dad, and hannah show up on my doorstep with hot apple cider for me. such a surprise.
:]
we had a nice short visit and i got to hold my puppy, whom i love. and get hugs from mom and dad.

i originally wanted to leave riverside and move away as soon as high school was over but i really love cbu and i think i might have chosen to go here even if "here" was somewhere else. seriously. i love this school.

cancellation.

in my english class this week we are having "online sessions." which means we dont go to class. instead our professor will post work online and we print out the worksheets and bring them to class next week.

i think this is a waste. its total busy work. i thought that would end when i left high school. guess not.

and my history class is canceled once this week. meaning wednesday i dont have school. i want to do something exciting. like go to the beach. or disneyland. or mexico for tacos.
meh. probably not going to happen.

harry potter carved into a pumpkin! are you kidding me?
after halloween i want to go to the pumpkin patch (because i assume they will be on sale?) and get a bunch of pumpkins and to some serious art.